You know all this, right?

February 27, 2006

Bill in Ojai

Billy: Why do you pick fights?

Me: Because

Billy: But Why?

Me: I dunno

Billy: I just don’t understand why. You just picked that fight out of nowhere.

Me: Because I hang out with a 2 year old all day.

Billy: That’s no excuse.

Me: Yes it is. She does inappropriate things for attention. Me too.

I can’t believe I am admitting this. Sometimes I do pick fights to get attention from my husband. Being too lazy or tired or maybe even-ahem-emotionally immature I every so often get unexplainably nasty just for some good old negative attention. We spend so much of our time together cooking, cleaning, feeding, changing, bathing, loving other small people, that when it’s all said and done…I am a bit needy. When I feel needy I see it as a weakness. When I see weakness in myself I don’t like myself. When I don’t like myself I can get grumpy. When I get grumpy, I sometimes take it out on my husband.

This in not something I easily admit to. It is not a good thing. I am far from proud. It’s very immature and not conducive to creating harmony. I know it hurts his feelings. Plus it wastes good time. And I plan on not doing it anymore. I will not pick fights. There. I said it.

So right now, in honor of him and in honor of my decision to stop being a petty fight-picker, I write all this. Maybe this is sacred subject matter. But since I think I am my only audience (besides my husband himself) not to mention the fact that nothing is really sacred when you are a writer, I am going to let it all out. He deserves some words in space.

I love him. I adore him. I worship him. I am blessed from Venus Herself and was struck with an arrow from her right-hand cupid. Not only does love live with us, but fun, loyalty, passion, creativity and friendship. He is partner, muse, confidant. He is my patient guide and teacher as well as my attentive and amused student. He is my lover of all lovers of all lifetimes before now and evermore. And I will never forget the day I set eyes on him (the 3rd time I saw him) and fell madly in love. He was tall and dressed in a wet suit. He was tattooed. A spear was in one hand, a bag of fish in the other. He high-kneed it out of the Pacific early that morning on to the beach I was frolicking on. Topless I might add.

He climbs mountains alone and sleeps naked under the stars. He lifts very heavy things. He fathers like a mellow wind. He makes good sushi and chili. He’s a really great driver. He can sail a boat. He catches fish with a spear. He doesn’t care if the house is clean. He says I’m a good writer. And the music he creates and sends in waves throughout the atmosphere will always make me feel like a young and limber Goddess.
He makes great babies. He knows how to breath with me to get the great babies out. He builds dreams with me. He believes in Gods. I hope to leave this great plane holding his hand.

A poem for my sweet William (originally constructed when we first met, but revisited almost 10 years later)

You Know All This, Right?

It’s good to be so wet.

It’s good to be so wet like you alone so long alone under that sea In that suit when I fell in Alone So long Under that sea It’s good I swear I have met you somewhere before Changes now For me It’s good, good I swear It’s good I have met you before

My eyes Get big Just thinking About how different And wet Lovely really My sea Is so Different This whole thing is It might sound weird but I have seen your hair your face that scar on your hand that mark on your leg I swear I met You somewhere Before

I am so loud And big And red But still The same Changes for me And you This time And yes You are small And strong And blue Me right over It might sound strange but You know I’ve seen That scar On your knee That mark On your leg Your hair Your face Your eyes Look into my sea

You make my hands Strong And crafty Lady Like And long And my legs Seem to move Right Higher Smoother And my hips seem To swing rounder wider harder my eyes are grounded like roots to your tree my prize is Like I am from Somewhere else Another city State Continent Space But not here Not me The one I knew From before Changes Change Is good

You are small And strong And blue Me over I can see why the sky Become so drunk And stuffed With moon So quickly When we met On the sand How could we help it

Your eyes Look into my sea And my hands Are strong now And you Did it And they Those legs are so high Up there behind My head Is full With you And I fall over Myself But now I can keep my feet On the ground I can see why Stretched up there Is fine You go ahead You can I know you like it The sky became So drunk And stuffed With moon So quickly and how We really Couldn’t Help it Go ahead Put your head into My sea There Anytime I hope You like it.

rosie

February 18, 2006

rosie

Sula, almost 7 months

February 16, 2006

Sula in the hotsprings

Sula Pearl loves the water. Born floating up to my chest in a warm bath, she’s my salt-scented, olive skinned, copper haired, earthen steel- eyed waterbaby. I guess I always knew that Pearl was the name she wanted even before I knew she slept in my belly. A gem from the sea: round, luminous, sensual, pure, moonly and the gateway to heaven. During pregnancy I dreamt of rolling really slowly down hills of sand and finding jewels in all shades under my hands as the ocean waves pulled me closer and closer inside. My pearl. She lives for the water.

We hiked her and her sister down to Manatija Hot Springs in Ojai California, stripped our clothes off and soaked. Sula stared down at her mirror image in the ripply spring surface for a few minutes. She wanted to swim. Float. Dunk. Splash. Gulp. Kick. The springs were totally natural, no concrete, pure dirt bottom and rock walled. The water was bath temperature. A raging river flowed next to us. The sun pounded down. White sage and anise rode the wind and filled the air with that wild southern California smell, the one I will always have a love affair with.

“This is where you were born,” I told her as I whirled her ’round and ’round. We’d both dipped the fronts of our faces under the water and blew bubbles coming up with our lashes dripping. She roared out loud a high pitched laugh. She is the only person I have heard make a sound that is both a deep, demanding roar and a soft high bell. “Do you remember the water my pearly girl?

Sula loves the water.

She also loves her sister so much. She screams until Mia is in her view.

She waves bye-bye. Sort of.

She talks to me with loving words like BAAAAAAAAAA BAAAAAAAA, MAAAAAAAAA MAAAAAAAA, Boo, Puh Puh,

She loves sticking her tongue out at me.

She crawls on her right side only, lounging like cleopatra and the sliding like a sneak.

He favorite yoga poses are Dead Bug (or Happy Baby) and Cobra. SHe knows how to spread her fingers and gently grip ground.

She likes to scratch at my face until it looks like I have patches of acne.

She pulls my hair until I scream.

My boobs have tiny baby fingernail size cuts and small hickies on them from “playing” while she nurses. She leaves marks making me look like I have quite the naughty sex-life. I don’t by the way.

She refuses to sit up. But she loves to stand and can almost balance all by herself for a second or two. Practicing this passes the time delightfully while entertaining Mia.

She is still wildly reactive to any dairy that I eat. I indulged in some milky cow treats this week and her poo turned day-glo green and a god-awful rash sprinkled her entire face within 2 feedings. I am guilt-ridden.

She hates riding in cars at night.

She does not nap but for 1/2 hours at a time (and I am being nice here) but sleeps at least 4 hours through the night, I think. I have pretty much perfected not waking up when she helps herself to my food service. She may nurse all night. Who knows.

She dances, kicking her legs and waving her arms as soon at the needle hits the record.

She has not really had solid foods, unless you count the little piece of paper she tore out of Don’t Hop On Pop and sucked down to nothing. I only left the room for a minute, Mom, I swear.

She is a mix of me, my 2 borthers, my sister, my neice, my cousin, my aunt, my grandpa and a small bear.

She is definatlely part elf. She has my ears.

I could eat her.

It’s only hair?

February 15, 2006

Do. Not. Get. Your. Haircut. At. Changes in Oldtown Scottsdale.

She must have a vendatta out on me.

She must want my husband.

She must not have trained very long.

She must have used dulled and rusty sushi knives while I wasn’t looking.

She must have been on crack.

She cut the tip of her pinky off while working on the woman before me. She showed me the tip in a napkin at her hair station. Why didn’t I turn and walk out then?

She was 20 years old. Her hair was not cute. But she was sweet so I let her do her thing.

She told me I looked punk-rock but classy. Is that possible?

She offered me licorice tea when my teeth began to grit while she cut away. She never brought me any. I hate her.

I am now missing 10 inches of hair from the back of me. But only 4 inches in front.

I have 17 strands of hair that make up bangs. She began to cut them and then remembered the ONE THING I said was: I DON’T DO BANGS. So she stopped. After cutting 17 strands.

Billy told me it looked cute. When he lies the right upper corner of his mouth twitches and his eyes smile. Lip twitched. Eyes smiled.

There is a strange layer that lays between my crown and the middle of head but only in the back.

The right side flips up. The left side curls back.

She cut off all my highlights so now I am totally BROWN.

My hair is very short. Very short for someone who always has very long hair.

There was a reason I had not gotton my hair cut in a year. I’m scared of scissors.

She did spend 20 minutes picking out a very serious dreadlock. I gave her a tip for that.

I look like the girl from Bernice Bobs Her Hair

Bottom line: Luckily I have a good looking neck.

Going Green Part I

What is Green Power?

It is power that is sourced from the sun, the wind, the water and waste. It is clean and renewable and reduces greenhouse pollution.

What is sustainable development?

Building in a way that maximizes the use of renewable materials that are in the most natural state possible (i.e. earth, wood, straw, etc) and limiting the use of non-renewable materials (i.e. steel, vinyl, aluminum, etc). Sustainable building utilizes energy that naturally exists within the environment, such as the sun, wind, water, and earth. The most basic elements are to build so the structure works with, not against nature and that as a whole system it reduces costs and pollutants while gaining durability and longevity. Sustainable building takes into consideration the use of water, the disposal of waste and the capturing of energy. It also relies on the surrounding eco-factors for design and planning decisions. It’s goal, perhaps, is to create a synergy of sorts, an equal exchange between all building materials, styles and systems within the house to create a more holistic living structure.


For years I heard terms flying around my house as my husband sat as his drawing space and penned and calculated plans for our future home. This would be the home our children breathed in, slept in and played in. It was to be a passive solar, straw bale, earthbermed, water harvesting dwelling. I was excited; I knew all this meant never writing a bill again to any company for power, I knew it meant an end to wasting water, and I knew that because of this home I would learn so much about the flow of nature as each building devise was meant to create a sense of health and harmony on a greater scale. We were going to build a house that was alive. All we needed was a perfect piece of land to dig into.

To be honest, most of my interest in these plans stopped at trying to figure out how we would store energy and how the water filtering system worked. I use to just barely listening to my husband when he explained to me why and how we needed find a position on a south facing hillside. I was just too excited about my own writing room with earthen walls and cork floors, I dreamt about our greenhouse that would be perfect for year-round veggie growing in and envisioned what the view would be like from our bedroom looking out the glass wall opposite the bed.

The more I spoke of the plans for our “sustainable and green” home, the more questions I was asked. Too many of them embarrassingly could not answer. I realized that until we actually built the house and it could speak for itself, I better learn some technical stuff. I really wanted to be a sustainable living advocate but my knowledge was so superficial and idealistically based. As I explored books and questioned by husband I realized there was not much too really learn. The reason: it is all pretty simple in theory and method. Sustainable building was not brain surgery…it was common sense and relatively easy to understand. It is perfect for those of use who don’t want to do a lot yet want our home “to work” with little hassles and maintenance. We are given an abundance of natural resources to utilize in a smart and conscious way. By interconnecting these resources through thoughtful planning, sustainable homes will pretty much “run” themselves. The simplicity and accessibility of most sustainable methods should be reason enough for it to be the future in building.

    Alternative Energy

This is the green power. This is the stuff we all need to tap into. I have just about had it with paying people for water, heat, air, and electricity. I was born onto this Earth and is should be my right to use the earth’s energy to survive, if not for free than a cost I can afford and one that does not deplete the earth of resources.

For our particular home we plan on using Passive Solar Energy as a main source to heat, cool and run things. But I have compiled a list of all the sources of energy available tap into. Some involve more serious construction and money, but the initial start-up is well worth the long-term karma, the effort in helping secure some healthy air for your kids, and of course the utter taste of satisfaction of never writing a check to the Electric Man again. The following compilation is f energy sources and methods that are most commonly used in their simplest terms. On the links section of this blog you can find your way to more in depth sites.

Wind Power

Ever drive the I- 10 West? If you got as far as Palm Springs then you have seen the massive crop of windmills scattered on either side of the highway. That’s wind power. Wind power lowers fossil fuel dependency…a wonderful way of cutting down on carbon emissions. Wind energy is abundant. It is inexhaustible. Unlike oil which is rapidly being depleted, where there is air there is wind. Wind energy is also cheap. According to the federal government’s 2001 report on Powering America With Wind, wind costs less tan 4 cents per kilowatt-hour which makes it the cheapest source of electricity generation, competing with gas.

As far as privately generating wind power at your home, you would need to find a suppler of windmills or perhaps find a source which can help you construct your own. Wind power can be especially useful to power a pumping station of a well. If the land we end up building has a well on it, then we will use a small windmill system to generate the pump.

Solar Power

Solar energy is simply energy from the sun. It can be stored in a couple different ways:

Thermal or Passive: This is when the sun heats something up and then gets stored–like heating a swimming pool or heating a room through windows on a sunny day. By orienting your home specifically for the sun’s ray to penetrate your space, you can store that warmth for continual use with specific flooring such as solar slab.* The same method can be used for cooling your house along side techniques such as earthberming.

Electric: This is using the sun’s power to produce energy through solar cells. It can be applied in 3 ways:

  1. Stand alone: not connected to a grid and relying on the sun to heat your space and water through solar panels. This energy can be stored in a battery for use when there is not a lot of sunshine.

  2. Grid-Connected: When the electricity is supplied to the property through the grid. First energy is used from a solar energy system, then the connected battery and then finally from the grid if there is a need.

  3. Back-Up: This is a system for power outages. A small solar system is used as back-up when grid power has blacked-out.

*solar slab flooring is built so that additional thermal heat can be stored and then re-radiated for many hours afterwards.

Hydrogen Power

This type of power uses water to run machinery or make electricity. It uses the motion of the water for potential energy by the use of turbines*. Available to homeowners are min-turbines, which are perfect for harnessing energy if installed in a near-by river or stream. Water is the fuel and because the water cycle is endless, this kind of energy is considered renewable.

*A Turbine is device used in the generation of electricity. It has a shaft with blades at one end and electromagnets at the other. Water or steam or some other energy source pushes the blades, which make the shaft and the magnets spin very fast. The magnet end is surrounded by heavy coils of copper wire, and the spinning magnets cause electrons in the wire to begin to move, creating electricity.

Tidal/Wave Power

Tidal power is a means of electricity generation achieved by capturing the energy contained in moving water due to tides. Two types of tidal energy can be extracted: kinetic energy of currents arising between ebbing and surging tides and potential energy from the difference in height between high and low tides. The former method - generating energy from tidal currents - is considered much more feasible today than building ocean-based dams or barrages, and many coastal sites worldwide are being examined for their suitability to produce tidal (current) energy. Since I live in the dry-as-bone desert, this type will do us no good. But if you are a lucky one who dwells where sand meets sea…it would be worth it to investigate further on this fascinating energy source.

Biodeisel

Biodiesel is a vegetable oil-based fuel that runs in diesel engines - cars, buses, trucks, construction equipment, boats, generators, and oil home heating units. Mostly it is made from soybean oil or canola oil…and yes…you can even eat it (yuck)! It reduces our nation’s dependency on foreign oil because it can be made domestically (if you are a real crafty type, you can even brew it yourself at home, which proves to be much less expensive). Biodeisel is 100% renewable. When used as a heating source, biodiesel is sometimes referred to as “biofuel” or “bioheat.” Made from new and used oils or animal fats, this fuel is biodegradable and non-toxic as well. While fossil fuels took millions of years to produce, fuel stocks for biodiesel can be created in just a few months, and the plants grown to make biodiesel naturally balance the carbon dioxide emissions created when the fuel is combusted. What’s more, the resulting fuel is far less polluting than its petroleum-based alternative.

Sustainable Building Techniques

    Earth Berming

This style of home is constructed with at least 2-sides of the structure built into the earth. The underground area will provide both cooling (in the summer) and heating (in the winter) to the living space. The cold weather cools the Earth all winter so by the summer it is stored up and can aid in keeping your place cool. The opposite is true for the summer. By the end of the summer the heat has become trapped in the Earth and as winter moves in the warmth helps in the heating of the house. This is a technique that is really fascinating. I have watched my Huskies very deep holes in the earth in the summer, hop in and stay cool with the dirt. I have also watched them dig holes deep into the snow during the winter, hop in and stay warm. It’s a wonderful example of how perfect the Earth works for its inhabitants. To stay warm or cold…dig a hole live. I also like it aesthetically– the thought of my house half tucked into the side of a mountain is pretty cool.

Water Harvesting

To harvest the rain is to collect the water, and then filter it through a purification system and run it back into your house. The most common way to harvest is to collect it on your roof through a roof catchment system (part of your home design) so it will drip into a storage system such as a cistern or barrel and then when it is then fed into a purifying system and run back into the house. The plans for our home has a roof that is somewhat of a V shaped and slanted so the water collects then drains downward into a cistern built underneath it.

Gray Water Recycling

All the water that you use in your house (except toilet water) is called gray water. All the “waste” water we use from washing dishes, showering, and laundry can be recycled. This recycled water is primarily used for landscape irrigation and is great for gardens if it is not contaminated. You may also recycle is back into your house to use for toilet flushing as well as sink water, but is a more extensive process.

Straw Bale Insulation

Instead of using toxic materials or brick and block, hay is used to create exterior walls. The R value or insulation you get when using it is greater than any other completely natural material. It’s typically used either as infill in wood framing or as a shell around a timber or steel frame structure. It’s cheap, easy to do yourself, it does not mold (if done correctly) and it is flame resistant.

It’s practically a perfect material to use in many climates, just like….

Rammed Earth

All the same benefits of straw bale, except now the house is made of earth and can actually support structures on its own (unlike straw). By mixing a perfect blend of earth, water, and gravel and “ramming” it all into the structure of your house the end will create a durable, seriously insulated and totally eco-friendly home.

Adobe

Different from rammed earth in that adobe are bricks that can be prefabricated in locations other than the project sight. Adobe is made from earth all the same is awesome for keeping dwellings cool in dry, hot locations.

All these styles can be incorporated together as well. For instance Cob Walls are walls made from a mix of heavy straw and clay with the earth content being much greater than the hay. The advantage of cob is that it is wonderfully sculptural and can be styled without use of framework.

Adobe block can be mixed with any other type of non-toxic recyclable materials, as well.

There are so many other styles and merging of wood, water, earth, hay, sand, paper to build that it can be overwhelming. But if you are interested in sustainable design, start by thinking how you can incorporate small things into your already existing home, or if you are remodeling, use it as an opportunity to create a gray water recycling system or perhaps even using hay as insulation for an addition. Design your new space using some earthen walls. You can always purchase solar panels and it’s pretty easy to harvest water wherever you are. If you are like me and want to build from the ground up, start by reading some of our favorite books:

Serious Straw Bale, a home construction guide for all climates by Paul Lacinski and M. Bergeron

The Passive Solar House, By James Kachadorian

Ceramic Houses and Earth Architecture, How To Build Your Own, by Nader Khalili

The Rammed Earth House, from Real Goods Independent Living Books

ANYTHING by Rob Roy

Green Blessings!

Mia’s Top 10

February 13, 2006

Mia is into music. Music has calmed her and lulled her to sleep since she was a week old. Bill began taking her into the music studio late nights when she was 2 weeks old to give me a break and some much needed sleep. From then on only drum and bass have been sedative as well as her dance party play. She was born with the roots of sound in her toes and the dripping of dub in her fingertips. I guess this is expected from a daughter of a DJ. She is constantly requesting the following music and practices singing along. I may be biased, but her voice is an echo of angels.

I had to compile a list Mia’s top ten most requested CD’s. Here they are…if you are looking for some good music, check them out. My daughter says these records are “shake your bottom” worthy.

  1. Sublime, Sublime
  2. The Clash, The Singles
  3. Damien “Jr. Gong” Marley, Welcome To Jamrock
  4. Various Reggae Artists, Great Stone Sound System/Dublab 2003 Mix
  5. Jem, Finally Woken
  6. Joss Stone, Mind, Body and Soul
  7. Thievery Corporation, The Cosmic Game
  8. Sinead O’Connor, Throw Down Your Arms
  9. Various Artists, Hi Fi Dub Sessions, Guidance Records
  10. The Postal Service, Give Up

and honorable mention…

Anything by Big Youth Bob Marley, Catch a Fire Damon Aaron, Ballast Bob Dylan, This is Bob Dylan Any Modest Mouse And anything her papa plays for her on the turntables…