misplaced mama

-Sun Celebration Wreath ” alt=”" /> ” alt=”" />

There were certain things I loved about being Catholic. The advent wreath was one of them. I remember sitting at the dinner table during the season and just waiting until my mom came out with those big long matches and would let me light the candles. Each week the fire got bigger and the candles got smaller. It was ritual. It was wonderful. It was candle magic to me.

For those who really know me, they know I struggle deeply with this whole Christmas thing now that I have kids. I am so torn between what to say/do/show/ my kids at this young age during the holiday season. My husband and I never planned on bringing our kids of Christian, yet both of us admire and connect with the Christ journey and consciousness. But the whole story doesn’t fly with us. The images around Christ’s birth and the American way of celebrating it sicken me to some degree. Yet, it is a sacred time of year. The Sun’s birth after such dark days gives hope for half a cycle of light, waxing, brightening, opening. I do want to celebrate those gifts of warmth and love and most of all, passion and conviction. So we are taking is slowly and quietly with Mia. She is at an age where she understands so much. She sees the Nativity everywhere, she sees Santa plastered on everything. She hears talk of Christmas shopping. The last thing I want is take the Christmas thing casually and risk it being just a gift giving day. The other last thing I want to do is rob her of celebrating the magic that floats like snowflakes in the air against black night.

So we made a Sun Celebration Wreath because this is the time of year the Sun was born and it will be like the Sun’s birthday cake! (Historical research indicates that Christ was not born until March, anyway) I got scraps of greenery at the tree stand down the street, wired it all together, glittered it up with gold sparkly stuff and in the middle I put rocks my sister picked up on the mountain at Medjagore. The first candle we lit last week was the one that represented the North and we’ll proceed with the other directions/candles each following Sunday and then to the Center candle which will get lit on the Solstice. On the 21st we’ll have some festivities ( it’s my birthday, too) and the girls will get the first of their gifts (very small tokens, 1 each, handmade, or better yet, chocolate) on the Solstice and then 1 gift each day after and the last gift they’ll get the morning of the 25th. The 5 days of Yule. We think we are going to tell them that the Christmas morning is from the Magical Giving Sun Spirit aka St. Nick.

I just hope I am not fucking them up.

-Writing about my friend Jamye yesterday inspired me. Five posts throughout this month will be called Diva Of The Day. I know so many awesome women following their passions and life work and serving others that they should be written about. So Shameless Sistah Promotions presents Diva of the Day. Keep a heads up. Maybe it will be you.

-Bill and I have been discussing when to have this third lovechild. Do we do it soon and keep this baby-making-thing all in one lump until I am completely crazy and have lost all my hair and my nipples touch my knees? Or wait, take a breath, enjoy these 2 love buckets and then go for 3 in a 1-2 years from now. Part of me sees both sides. I am just so. so. so. so. tired I couldn’t fathom being pregnant on top of it all. But my fatigue started when I 1. stopped going to sleep with Sula at 8pm, and went back to me night owl ways, 2. I started a morning routine of espresso instead of yoga and tea, and 3. convinced myself that cookies are whole grains and chocolate is a protein. Can anyone shed light on having 2 kids close and then a straggler later on? Or 3 real close together? All I know is that there is one more. Just waiting.

-Sula’s favorite toy–a microKorg Synthesizer/Vocoder ” alt=”" />

-We rented a cabin in Espanola, NM from 12/23-12/27. It’s walking distance to hot springs and snow and is in between Toas and Santa Fe. I am looking forward to feeling New Mexico from the inside out. The place has always called to me. I have spent 2 days in Santa Fe years back and remember the city being absolute eye candy between architecture and the beautiful mix of people. We’ll be sharing the time with 2 dear hearts of friends, J, and AD. Surrounded by love and peace and beauty…this is what i hope for this season.

Peace.

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