misplaced mama

Why are all my jeans getting smaller?

When I go to replace those shrinking kind of jeans with one that stay the same size, why do they cut of circulation in my ankles and only cover the bottom half of my ass? Who makes jeans for only half-asses? Butt-cracks aren’t that cute.

Why is it that I a not stressed out until I decide to write a list of things I need to do before we leave for New Mexico? Seeing in writing does not make me feel better, it makes my head swell and my thoughts lock.

Why can’t I figure out what to get my sisters kids that’s as easy as the Starbucks cards my sister said to get them? I am not getting children whose median age is 10 Starbucks. But I can’t think of anything else. I thought for a moment to get cute to go coffee mugs that they can bring to Starbucks and have it filled with god knows what a kid gets from there, I hope chocolate milk. But then I remembered this is my sister K and though we are worlds apart in a lot of ways, our cars and organizational habit’s are a bit a like. I know those proposed mugs would get lost in the endless hole of car stickiness somewhere, yet nowhere to be seen again. I bought a family-worth of Sigg Water bottles (4) and we have one left.

Why does a breech baby entail a Cesarean at week 39 when she is only 36ish weeks gestation? Isn’t there time for a baby to spin? Why does a hospital’s “protocol” not allow vaginal breech births even if the doctor claims he has no problem “delivering” one vaginally and he would no doubt attend to one if only the hospital let him?

Why is it that my nephew is being offered ooddles and ooddles of money and a huge signing bonus by nationwide drugstores for his pharmacy services. Fresh out of college, he is being recruited, wined and dined by drug-folks everywhere? Or should I say: Why is the whole country on prescription meds? (I actually did ask my nephew about what prescription drug was the most prescribed, thinking he would say Ritalin or anti-depressants. Cholesterol. The top most popular drugs are both types of cholesterol medication.

Why is traditional (non-native) American food hotdogs and hamburgers? What else is there that is considered homeland cuisine? BBQ Ribs? Prime Rib and a baked potato? Pizza? Anything McDonalds?

Why is it that my husband keeps trying to talk me out of forming dreadlocks (especially since naturally, that’s what the back of my hair wants, not the front, that’s another story. Stick straight and lifeless) when he’s walking around with a dreadlocked mohawk which he sometimes wears in a pony right at the top of his head. I have to go around looking at that, without trying to laugh too hard, so you’d think he could deal with some pretty, girly, smooth dreads on me.

What’s up with the mood swings and memory loss when breastfeeding? Does it ever get back to “normal”?

What’s up with the nipples after a second round of nursing? First time around I had some firm stuff goin on. I never knew “soft” nipples existed. I guess I need more oils.

Can one OD on too much fatty oils?

Why is my daughter’s favorite food a tub of Earth Balance (vegan butter spread) sprinkled with salt and eaten with a butter knife? And how come I never see her sneak it out of the fridge? And how bad is it for her to eat it straight which she did for at least 10 minutes while I was in the shower today. Not to mention she got into this weekend as well and had a mighty fine time dining on it, hiding under the desk in the office.

Why do my dishes come out with more food stuck to them after they have been washed by the dishwasher?

What kind of parent takes their kid to their school’s outdoor holiday party and forgets to put a jacket and socks on them? And forgets to take her camera?

(even though these are questions I asked myself, if anyone has any answers or enlightenment, i would so love to hear)