misplaced mama

Sula, It seems as if I missed another moon cycle of your life. Seventeen and one half is about here. Daughter-girl, you are creeping out of babyhood and stomping right into a toddler. Like a firecracker, you keep my eyes open, my heart waiting and my jaw dropped. You stepped on my ear in bed the other day and I let out a yelp in pain. You squatted down next to my face and asked me, “wha awppened?” (What happened?Could that really be what you said?) I answered, “You stepped on mama’s ear and it gave her a howie (an ouchie).” And in that high pitched, yet far from annoying, angelic and sweet little voice you said, “‘orry mama”. Sorry mama. Dada had to wipe my heart up off the floor because it totally melted everywhere at that moment. You are engaging and thoughtful. Plus, you can count to 10. You say, 1,3,5,6,chicken,nine,ten…yeeeeeeah!!! And you applaud yourself.

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You and your sister are officially bestest friends (that’s not to say she still doesn’t drag you around the house by your shirt sleeve just for kicks). When Mia is out on errands with dada, she always calls home on the cell to talk to you. The two of you yak back and forth with eachother: Mia: Hi Sula, it’s Mia, are you feeling happy?
You: Hi Mia. Hi Mia. Hi Mia.
Mia: Sula, can you say Sula Pearl? You: Hi Mia. Hi Mia. Hi Mia Mia: Sula, can you say SUUULA PEARL? You: SSHUuula Puurl. Hi Mia. Hi Mia Mia: Hi SSSHHHHULA!

I pulled 2 animal medicine cards for you today, Sula. The first that jumped out of the deck was Turtle. Like your mama, I guess you attract Turtles medicine, a medicine that has been such a glowing and steady guide for me. Turtle is the most ancient symbol for Mother Earth…here is what our animal guide book says:

“it is the personification of goddess energy and the eternal mother from which our lives evolve. We are born of the womb of Earth, and to our her soils our body will return. In honoring the Earth we are asked by Turtle to be mindful of the cycle of give and take, to give back to the Mother as she has given to us.”

Like a turtle Mother Earth has a shell of protection for herself, for a long time we have defiled and polluted this earthen home. She has protected herself with climate alterations, volcano creations, new eco-system growth, what some may call natural ‘disasters’. I think this card, though pulled for you on your 17.5 cycle mark, is a reminder for me on how to raise you: consciously and directly connected with Mother Earth in our whole life, not just parts of it. These days don’t allow for half consciousness, you were born into interesting time; times of evolution and possibilities. You were born in the age of change and it is a blessing. You are here as a steward and guide and I feel if we life such a way, I won’t have to teach you to give back to Mother Earth, rather we will just be that giving/receiving force on a daily level. It will become your life, and therefore your children’s life, and their children’s and so on. Your dad and I are happily working hard at manifesting a space directly involved with nature’s cycles; the town, the land, the house, the daily routine…it’s all in the works for you and your sister, Sula. Soon little bear, soon. I know you came to us because we had this dream. Turtle medicine validates it.

The next I picked was Butterfly. Transformation, of course. It couldn’t be more appropriate It is the mind, the air and the cycle of life. You are really transforming, little one. You were a baby a stones toss into the past, and now you are recognizing your mind as your own and your body as a tool to maneuver and to feel good through this funky dream we call life. Your eyes are getting bigger, your legs longer, your hand motions more precise, your verbal ability is moving in leaps and bounds. Your love of nudity is inspiring, even when I am stepping in pee puddles throughout the house and tracking it all over. That said, your love of nakedness has not reached your feet. You like the clothes off but your furry lined suede boots on. And sometimes with Mia’s undies on your head. You are kind and sensitive to your sister, a trait she may be learning to be through you. As you are learning to be light and airy, forward, clever and loud through her. Just like her, if you are being quiet and I can’t seem to find you, it’s not trouble you are in to; instead I will see you in a cozy corner with a pillow reading books. You love books. And as your tiny little fingers work hard turning the pages one by one, you speak out loud the story you are being shown, only you can understand yourself, but that’s cool. You love doing yoga and recently you received a book from Leigh with Barbar the Elephant doing yoga in it. The book came with a poster of yoga poses by Barbar and we hung it near your play space and every day we find you there trying to balance in tree against a wall, or on your tummy with your arms reaching up…up. I can’t even utter what kind of hope this gives me. Ahh, if only I was doing yoga as a toddler…what a gift you will have! A life of freedom and breath! Goat yogurt is your favorite snack besides blueberries and eggies. You are still nursing whenever you want to, and it’s wonderful. It’s our downtime, your quiet time, when our eyes meet and we understand that we are exactly one together. You run and play, sing and dance (you have mastered the hip lock and your beat precision is inspirational). You don’t say no anymore, your say “nope! nope! nope!” Your wings are spreading out larger, golden, glittery, feathery and lush. I won’t be surprised if you rise up in flight soon. I hope when you do you will teach me how again.

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I know I can never do you justice with these words. They are only markings in stone so that others and yourself will know what it means to love this hard. You are imprinted in my cells, every single one of them at such a cellular level it can be considered the great space of all things. And there, in that space, is where I will hold these moments for eternity.

I love you Mama