misplaced mama

Los Angeles.  The Brazilian Girls played on the pod as we cruised the 5 Freeway through our old hilly ‘hood.  I remember the first time I saw them play at Spaceland.  When they came on stage and she began singing Pussy, Pussy, Pussy, Marajuana, in that seductive yet impish voice, I knew I could not live without their music (check them out if you like Brazilian-jazz-reggae-soul).  I guess that song sums up my years living in the city of lost angels.  B and I reminiscent about the first time we first ever laid eyes on eachother in B.B.’s apartment she was our herbal service provider/magical people coordinator.  We never even exchanged names that scortching hot Hollywood day, but I could tell you what he was wearing and he could tell you what I had on.  We just happened to be there at the same time and had a brief conversation, which in it’s shortness somehow led to the oppressive state of marriage and how it promoted the ownership of another person and how we would never get married.  We laughed, 10 years later.  Were we fools then or now?   As we cruised this familiar ground, we chatted about how the next time we ‘met’ I was naked at the beach and he was carrying a bag of fish and a spear out of the water and we fell in love.  And of course as we passed through Hollywood, how could we forget our ‘first date’ when I showed up in my Ford Focus wagon to take him to a laid back pub to play some pool and as he climbed into my car I said, oh by the way, I just took a hit of mescaline.  He said at the moment he knew I was totally insane.  How I kept him close I’ll never know.  And as we passed by our last apartment there, we pulled Mia close and told her he story, for the tenth time, about how she was born right inside that window, on our bed.  We have such history here and somehow it will always be our home in some way love/hate way.  We came to L.A. as wild babies, longing for meaning and epiphanies and spiritual growth.  Hoping to expode in creativity and find love. And some where through all the valleys and hills, this city brought us together and we grew up, and in and out and all over.

The next day we had a gathering at a beach in Point Magu with a bunch of L.A. family. We set up shop about 100 feet from the ocean and sat around the fire until much too late.  They drank rum and beer and until they swayed and I ate toasted marshmallows until I almost puked.  My family in L.A. is always good for grounding around a fire. We’ll never stop dreaming while we watch the flames dance.  From early 1997 the fire and beach has been the setting where our friendships grew into family status. Each one of them were pillars of support for us on this journey.  Most of them are nomads as well. They get this need for us to fly in their gut. I see only glimpses of them here and there, like stars in the sky, they are bits of blinding light that follow me everywhere, especially when I need to close my eyes and look within my heart to see.  We made a promise to each other no matter where we wander, to carry the seed we all share so deep; love.  It’s hard to even describe who these people are and only when you hug their flesh can the intensity be understood. To be with them all before we headed up the coast to our new home, meant the world to us. 

(just starting the campfire circle)

I think we know that all there is to do in this love is to love hard, love hard every singe moment we are alive. This is what Amy tells me within an hour of her arrival. These are words that stick to my ribs like a marinated meat.

(amy and me)

**

 (very best friends)

Mia and Ivy got to run loose on the beach all day and all night and all of the next morning. Those 2 are like the wind, airy and spacey and looking for a good time.  Sula was a bit bent out of shape to share her sister so intensely with another.  Althought she loves her some Ivy, we often heard, no Ivy, you cannot have that stick.  That’s Sula’s stick.  No Ivy, you cannot have that hat, that’s Sula’s hat.  No Ivy, you cannot have Mia, she MY sister. 

We are so blessed to have Ivy and her family in our lives, though it’s bittersweet not to have them as neighbors. But perhaps the girls love eachother so and play forever without even a whine or a fight because they don’t see eachother every day.  Ivy’s mama has been my  bestgirlsince I was 11.  I see so much of us in our daughters, carrying on our love and dire need to explore and be free.  Leigh Ann and I are always at ease, no need to talk or figure things out.  We just walk side by side and take in the views together.  Being doing that for over 20 years. Right now i get to take in the view of her and her baby boy, Thor, soaking in some newer life love.

(loving thor)

The weather was gray and misty, not cold, but not warm either.  It was not the desert and that’s all I needed.  Thus begins our travels up the coast, the US 1 the whole way up.  I can barely stand the excitment.  So far everything is going perfect.  Even the piss bucket isn’t bothering me or the collection of sand in the bunk bed of the camper, or the fact that every night we wind up with with 4 bodies in our bunk when the rule was mama and dada in their bed, Mia and Sula in their own bed.  The dogs couldn’t be happier, cleaner and smell better. Is this what vacation is like?  Shit, I guess I need to take more of them. I finally feeling like me again…new and improved.

(heidi and dr. jim)

(amy and super-hero berto)

(part of campaign sign for libertarian dude).

Next stop: Refugio State Beach and then Big Sur.