misplaced mama

This book arrived in the mail for me today.

My friend Jamye (Waxman) wrote it and it’s quite a read. I think she was the first person I honored in my Shameless Sistah Promotions over a year ago (where I may have even linked to her masturbation survey?  Did any of you take it?) Jamye’s voice is born from empowerment and a desire to support, educate and stimulate through her work as a sexplorer.  Her service is offered through literature, feminist porn, How-To DVD’s as well as workshops and classes (she can teach one mean blow-job workshop, I’m told).  I feel a great connection with her; as she works to break the walls of control and judgment around sex, I hope to do the same in the birth industry.  When we give women power and a voice in both areas, we bloom and grow; transform. We become validated and true to ourselves.  We bring power and choice back to our bodies.  Just as we want freedom to fuck who want and how we want (consensual, obviously) and find pleasure within and without our bodies, we should also desire a culture where birthing women have the power and freedom to feel and experience their own bodies while they bring their babies down; without a fear-dominated industry’s hand in our yoni.  Like sex, in birth we want no laws, no protocol, and no needless intervention. We want choice. We want pleasure (hey, I’m aiming for an orgasmic birth this time around).  And sometimes a little pain.

Back to her book.  A Women’s Guide To Masturbation: Getting Off.  Jamye is a wealth of information about orgasms, masturbation history, cultural taboos, good sex toys, and technique; she writes in a witty, down-to-earth fashion and she writes like she talks; easy and light, from the heart, meaning what she says.  She knows her stuff.   She’s endearing and articulate.  Intelligent.  And sexy.   She uses the voices of an array of women, as well, which draws you into the stories.  Not only is the book fun to read, it’s important.  Nobody  talks much about masturbation, especially female masturbation.  Self-love is much nicer than self- loathing.  We aren’t encouraged to enjoy or touch our bodies, to get to know ourselves, our sensual likes and dislikes, our pleasures and our fantasies.  Instead we are conditioned to think our bodies are inadequate and ugly; they aren’t skinny enough, or smooth enough, or curvy…even that our vaginas aren’t tight enough… so we need enhancements and validation from outside ourselves. Or we are taught that loving ourselves is dirty and wrong.  But our bodies are temples.  Shouldn’t we worship them?   Feel each dip and curve, each imperfection until it becomes perfection? (physically and emotionally speaking)?  Maybe if we did, the world would follow suite.

So, even though sex is the last thing on my mind now, at 38 weeks pregnant I spend my nights more in a pass the chocolate, gimme the remote, and rub my back sort of scenario, there was a point where I spoke candidly with Jamye regarding research for her book.  Somewhere in that little white book with the lotus shaped vibrator image on the front are extensive quotes by me about my fantasies as well as  how I plan on communicating with my daughters about masturbation and self-love in general.  I won’t say another word, except that if you get the book and read it, I bet you can figure out what words are mine.  Although that’s not why you should get it.  Get it and enjoy it for yourself, help spread the word.  Touch yourself!  It’s okay! Go to Amazon or wherever and buy it.  It should be a fixture in our book shelves.