the nest.
The nesting is happening. IN the physical sense, I have been beamed an abundance of energy. I can hardly believe I am the same person I was last month, when getting off the couch took all the effort and persuasion my entire being could conjure up. My energy was so low, I thought I was suffering from prenatal depression. But I realize now it was my inner nesting happening, a lot like the chrysalis, but different work. Slowing down to prepare for some birthing space inside myself. It is work that words cannot explain; there is mourning, releasing, and even purging. I realized as I sat on the couch, reading book after book to my girls and while savoring this quiet time I have with them, I was purging our little as family of four. I was purging people from my past who no longer bring me energy or peace. I was purging a lifestyle of running around in a city, creating busyness just for the sake of being busy. And that sort of release takes a toll on my energy level. All I could do was sit around. Which is not my style.
But I let it happen.
And now I am on fire.
My nesting builds in interesting way. I could care less about the whole cleaning part of it. Bits and pieces on my floors don’t bother me. Dishes in my sink don’t drive me to clean them. Laundry is something I do, because I always like my clothes clean and available (especially since so little fits these days) but clean piles are stacked without any drive to put them in their proper drawer or hanger. My storage closets remain stuffed and unorganized with historical scraps and product from my life. But I could care less. Cleaning is not how I spend my drive. My nesting seems to be a form of being crafty and creative. And though I will accept the gift of creativity, anyone who knows me knows I am far, far from crafty. I am not neat, anal, or accurate enough to be crafty. Yet, I dive into this world, and create a nest for my newest family member. I want to use my hands, needles, threads, paints, fabrics.
I have been collecting vintage paper, cards, wallpaper, etc, interesting glass beads, and bought a few bells from the local garden store the other day. B found some perfect branches from our tree in the front yard that had blown off during our wild night winds. It’s not done yes, but when it is, Baby will have a lovely handmade mobile. I got the idea here, so that’s how the paper part of it is taking form, but we are doing a sort of balancing act with the sticks kind of like this mobile from the great mobilist, Alexander Calder (to experience his large-scale, modern yet celestial mobiles in person it utterly sublime). Dove’s mobile will blend a great mix of modernity and roots; just how I like it.
I am making a quilt. Yeah. Go ahead, laugh. But recently my good friend’s father past and a bunch of us gave 2-3 12 inch long pieces of fabric from our lives that have been important/comforting/brought beauty to us. They ranged from cut up T-shirts to pieces of sleeping bags. The final product was this amazing quilt, comprised of squares from all walks of life, squares infused with love and memory. Every time he wraps himself up in this quilt, he wraps our personal recipe of love and support around himself. I had to do one of these for myself. Ive have been collecting fabric scraps, along with curtains from my old house, worn in baby blankets, funky batiks and good finds from local thrift stores. And so on Monday I embark on putting them all together on my friend’s sewing machine. This may be the saddest looking quilt in existence, because the bottom line is, this mama doesn’t sew, but I can’t sleep until it’s made.
The girls and I went to the bead store. I had them pick out beads for the Big Sister Necklace. Each bead would hold all the help and guidance they needed to be big sisters. Mia picked out moonstone, rose quartz (one of her birth gems) and chalcedony. Sula picked out garnet (her birth gem) moonstone and clear quartz. And then I picked out an array of seeds, shells and gems to begin my new necklace making obsession. Luckily I am a minimalist when it comes to jewelry. I like big, chunky gems strung solo, not intricate bead-work, so it’s an easy craft for me. But I can see where this can get rather addicting. A 12-step program may be required.
Over 100 truffles, dark chocolate, organic, fair trade truffles have been made by my hands this month. I made some with lavender. I made some with cardamom. But mostly I made them pure, dark and decedent. My Rob Brezny horoscope from a few weeks ago advised me to spread my sweetness to the word, figuratively and literally. So the chocolate melting and rolling began. You may just open your post box and find some chocolate in it (pass on your address if you haven’t yet received anyJ
And birth music. My life is centered around sound. Music has defined moments for me; lead me to places, and opens doors of my psyche. I am not much of a lyrics girl. I appreciate a good song-writer (Ani Difranco and Bob Dylan are my top in lyrical content). But in the end it’s the beat and the bass; the vibrational quality of sound that pulls me in. Here is my Birth Set: Three. Luckily the father of this child is a professional deejay and this isn’t the order they’ll be played in. he insisted on creating a set according the great laws of the BPM, so each sound will flow fluidly into the next, just as I hope each surge of my belly flows into the next moment; transforming physical sensation into expanding and juicy energy.
Jah Jah Dub- Dellinger, King Tubby and the Aggravator
Concentration- King Tubby
Ali Baba- John Holt/Dub version
All About Love- Shaggy
All That We Perceive- Thievery Corporation
Bam Bam- Sister Nancy
Bittersweet Symphony- The Verve
Body A Shake –Shaggy
Dance Do The Reggae- Bob Marley
A Dancing Roots- Cornell Campbell
Love- John Lennon
Palomine- Bettie Serveert
Piece of My Heart- Janis Joplin
Pour Down Your Susnshine-Bob Marley
Satisfied- Bettie Serveert
When Jah Come- U-Roy and Dennis Brown
Jin Go La Ba- Babatunde Uatunji
Spirit Drum –African Drumming
Oh Yin Mom Ado- Babatunde Uatunji
Embracement- Babatunde Uatunji
Hymn To The Goddess- Nhanda Devi
Forest Women- Elizabeth Meacham
Chants of Birth- Sheela Langeberg
Durga Puja- Cheb i Sabbah
Beloved- Anoushka Shankar (Theivery Corporation Mix)
Hamsadawani Tabla Duet- Anoushka Shankar
Zaar- Hot Tabla Solo
Cycle of Life- Hot Tabla Solo
Pheadra- Tony Chamoun
Shakira- Tony Chamoun
Welcome: The Grand Entry- Red Road Crossing
Stepping –Babatunde Uatunji
Kashi Vishwanath- Krishna Das
Gayatri Mantra- Deva Premal
African, Middle Eastern, Jamaican, Folk, Indian/Sanskrit, New Age, Rock, Native American. It’s all in there.
And this is how I prepare for the birth. Keeping my hands busy is quieting my mind. The work of birth is hardly mental; it is spiritual and physical. But nothing to think too hard about. I let go of my mind and see these vibrant visions that come straight from the baby. Perhaps I cannot replicate them perfectly; my skills fall mighty short of perfection. But still this is what occurs without thought; deep from the heart: Creation.
Photo by J Byal.
