the father.
Here I am always posting photos of me and my belly.
But there is someone else who made this happy hump happen. He’s more than an incredible father. And as a birth partner, he is like my the wind to my storm, moving with me, through me and on to the other side. As he surrounds me with love and offers me the space to transform, I hold him. My love.
I can be pretty bitchy at the end of pregnancy. He doesn’t mind. He gaurds our space and nests with me. He doesn’t let a single piece laundry is sitting around. He finds my keys, charges my cell phone and downloads more stories for the kids on the ipod. He cooks dinner. Makes gallons of chicken soup and freezes it. Loads the dishwasher. And rubs oil on my feet at night. He vacuums. He runs out at midnight for lemon milkshakes. He makes me bowls of granola at 3am. He gets up with the kids and lets me sleep until I need to. This is not our normal day to day routine. He usually is up, working, I am taking care of the house fairy stuff and he brings us home security. But now, these days, we are able to play different roles. For another couple weeks I get my man at home so I can be the muggy, fuzzy, moody space cadet I need to be. He takes care of the rest.
I don’t thank him often enough. I don’t always see him as he is, accepting that the person he shares with us is exactly right person he needs to be. And a lot of the time, I see this process as mine; the baby and me. But he is being initiated, too. He is slowly preparing to be doula, partner, and father of three children. He is working on expanding his heart and his patience and in many ways his pocket book…as a father he finds role in gatherer. He is keeper of harmony and order and ease around my space so i can work through this birth without stress. We often cast aside the man, especially those of us who so believe in women centered birth; sometimes, if aren’t careful, the father can become a bystander, just observer. But they are more than that. There is merging of masculine and feminine that needs to take place the entire way, not just during the sex. There can be a push and pull between mother and father and if we don’t open hearts and eyes, we sometimes allow the sacred blend to slip through the cracks, and imbalance can be uncomfortable. I have been blessed. Either that or I am very good at training someone–10 years after we met, I can see he is no longer the searching boy. I think we pay close attention to our dynamic. We allow conflict, we allow silence, we allow slowly the heart to heal. We find synergy through these moments; we become the elements we need to walk together. And because of this, because he is open to it all, we become balance of sorts. Like sitting on either end of the teeter-totter, we work it until we hang out mid-air, waiting, communicating, our legs dangling, not forcing the other up or down. Birthing together will be easy. As he said the other day, As easy as whipped cream sliddin’ off a piece of warm pumpkin pie…
He is who he is with a smile and style. He rocks the turntables, rounds the wood, carves the stone, beats the drum and can ride a bowl on a skateboard like the kids half his age. He trusts our combined intuition, takes chances, explores and holds my adventurous nomadic side next to his nesting side. He grounds us all. He keeps us safe. He makes us laugh. He is silly.
I love him. I can’t wait to see his love explode for one more. I can’t wait to feel our arms wrap and bring this baby to our family. I can’t wait until he tends to the fire, all night long, as we soak in the love of our new family. I give thanks.
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Photo by Jason Byal aka Moebyal /Jan. 2008.
What a man
And that picture rocks.
Comment by Jane — January 20, 2008 @ 12:54 am
A man who can ride a bowl and ride the riddims, can ride the tidal waves of labor. No doubt. He can take raw energy and convert it into finesse. So he understands the work you do, spiraling those babies out. And Bill has faith, unwavering faith in himself. What else do you need but the banks so you can be the river????
Big Up to the one maestro Bill. Tell him I’ll be thinking of him too as baby comes.
Comment by brooke — January 20, 2008 @ 4:00 am
i think i remember you two meeting…you are both so yummy!
and lucky to be
a family
together!
Comment by beth — January 20, 2008 @ 5:54 am
How I love that B and how the two of you are together. And how beamed when he bought his “camping gear”. And how he cleans up - ahem - some icky stuff for you when your dog drags it in…LOL.
And how he puts up with my nagging.
A good man, that dude.
xoxo
Comment by Leigh — January 20, 2008 @ 6:20 am
Beth…you know it’s because of YOU I met him. Always giving thanks for that.
xo
mb
Comment by misplacedmama — January 20, 2008 @ 9:59 pm
Yea, didn’t you two meet at Beth’s– at the apartment next to the nursing home in the old Jewish neighborhood of LA, and wasn’t the first conversation you had about the slavery of marriage or the irrationality of monogamy or some such ironic topic. I also remember after you surprised him by moving in, we came over and saw the little love abode with candles lit and I remember you commenting that all you’d been doing was having sex and eating. And he said, “and she’s complaining.” You were a hot couple then and you’re an even hotter couple now.
Comment by courtney alban — January 21, 2008 @ 12:09 am
What a man.
You have captured the life giving polarity of being a with a man who is fully himself, allowing you to with freedom be your own true self.
It makes me happy you have found each other.
Comment by bella — January 21, 2008 @ 12:17 am
it fills me up with so much emotion to read this post…i am so glad you shared this about him with us. I want to be a part of the bill fan club too!!!!!!
sending you white light marybonz
Comment by fairysistere — January 21, 2008 @ 5:02 am
What a beautiful tribute…
IfWhen we visit you in your neck of the woods, I’ll make sure Ted brings his skateboard!Comment by sarah-ji — January 22, 2008 @ 2:12 am
I’m obssessed with checking for the little love dove. Can you ask The Father to update the blog with a “mama’s in labor,” or is that too much? Not sure how blog’s operate, really. It would be so nice for all of us to be in the labor vibe with you. Your blog has gotten awesome, btw. I’m so impressed. I see it’s been 2 years!
Comment by Courtney Alban — January 22, 2008 @ 2:25 am