forty.
and still cookin’.
Today is the day the almighty Man, with Wand, and Goop, and Screen told me my baby was "due". Five days after my moon due date. The sky is unbelievably crisp and clear tonight. The moon widens at the cusp of fullness, somewhere in the middle of this night it will cease to wax or wane, but will sit for a moment in total round form.
Sula went to the window, looked out it and said, Moder Moon? Will you bring da baby danight?
I wonder. I am feeling a bit of hot flashes, anxiety if you will. But they leave within seconds. By mental body knows what is happening. My physical body tightens, my belly squeezes and releases, drops and tugs. My spiritual body just is. It just allows me to float into this. There is nothing that stops that body from this process. My mind might get in the way, my body might listen to my mind, but my spirit cultives trust and faith. I allow allow three bodies to unifiy. I must. I do trust this baby and I trust myself, the whole self.
We spent the day outside. Hiking. Remember all the great shit I said about my man in the last post? Strike it. He takes me on this insane hike when these days, if I could, would ask him to get up and take a piss for me because I am so lazy. It was beautiful, I will admit, but I’ll be honest: The couch is my friend. Child’s pose is my yoga. Anyway, he promised it would be mellow. We drove about 10 miles straight up, to a ridge right above the bay. The road was bumpy and and it kept going higher. I was promised it was a quick hike down to a crystiline lake, surrounded by fresh fallen snow, with the sun shining today, it’s going to be awesome, wifey!" Just what you need.
A short hike, right? Pretty level? Because inclines and periods where there is no bathroom are bad for me right now. Short? Easy?
Sparing the details. It was a long hike down. And so that means it was a very long and steep hike back up to where the car was parked. If baby’s head hadn’t dropped, it’s knocking on the cervix door now. Regardless, I forgave him because it felt great to just hike in that crisp air, the sun streaming through snow dusted fur trees, icicles sparkling on mossy branches, and with a glance to the left, the blue water of the bay shimmered like a sea of glass. The costal range hovered beyond, islands sprinkled in between. It was exhillerating. A wonderful way to celebrate my due date.
Afterwards we stopped by a park at the beach. The views of the ranges surrounding this city got better. I can’t even explain what it feel like to be surrounded by these kinds of peaks. Protected? In awe of nature. Listening to the lap of the water sunk me on the sandy ground and sang me a lullabye. The kids dug in the sand. Climbed around fallen wood and played on the park. I soaked in their two-ness. Just those sisters (who insist that their new baby is a brover, a boy because we have ‘nough girls in our family). I love them both so much. My heart swells. I hope i can do this, be this much in love with three without totally losing my sanity.
*****
Happy due date Love Dove. We can’t wait to meet you.
love and a wild and peaceful birthing journey we send you, whenever you are ready to make it. We’re here,
your family.
Three kids and sanity. Wow. That’s sure asking a lot. I can just tell that that it comes and goes. Right now–at this moment–I feel sane. It may not last long, but for now I will enjoy it.
So many of my mama friends are beginning their lives as mamas of three. It’s very exciting for me to watch. You’ll be great. Even when you aren’t totally sane.
Comment by Karen — January 22, 2008 @ 4:20 am
I like your guy. You’re great too.
Comment by Aina — January 22, 2008 @ 4:41 am
happy guess date!
what a beautiful hike and beautiful family. it looks like it was the perfect way to spend the day.
oh and i’ll be stalking your blog regularly now.
(as if i wasn’t already)
love and hugs.
p.s. love your shirt.
Comment by Crunchy Domestic Goddess — January 22, 2008 @ 5:15 am
If you didn’t believe me when I said, about 2 hours ago, that I was obssessed with your blog, you can believe it now. This may be the 5th time I’ve checked today. Trying to work. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY. Sun AND Snow. And three beautiful girls! You look amazing. I’m thinking of you all the time.
Comment by Courtney Alban — January 22, 2008 @ 6:52 am
What a beautiful way to celebrate 40 weeks! I am so excited for you and eagerly awaiting news of the birth! Sending much love and peace your way… xoxo
Comment by Chelsea — January 22, 2008 @ 2:37 pm
I’m wondering if your man had ulterior motives? Thinking that maybe a nice brisk walk would get things moving for you! I get the lazy thing, though … I am already there at only 25 weeks, sigh. At least it sounds like it was beautiful and worth the exertion.
You realize you are officially being stalked now, don’t you?
Comment by gearhead mama — January 22, 2008 @ 3:58 pm
cute, cute, cute shirt!
well, regardless of how much you cursed him along the way, it seems like it was a beautiful hike ; )
thinking of you constantly….
Comment by Heather — January 22, 2008 @ 4:14 pm
I’m just not sure if you could be cuter, truly. I am eager for your birth news in the coming days. I feel it’s right around the corner for you now. Bet that hike is helping things along, too! Love these photos - you, your sweet girls, your dear husband…
Comment by Joanna — January 22, 2008 @ 4:34 pm
Happy 40, my sweet MB.
You.Are.Gorgeous.
And glowing.
Is it strange that I want to kiss your belly on my laptop screen?
Hi, Dove! We are waiting!
Stalking indeed…
xoxo
Comment by Leigh — January 22, 2008 @ 5:23 pm
Hmm, no accident that your little mountain goat stayed so long on the top that by the time she hiked back down to the bottom she was no longer a goat, but a water-bearer, a genius, sent to save and serve the earth and her (or his!) worry worn-out mama.
Comment by Karen Maezen Miller — January 22, 2008 @ 6:45 pm
sanity is optional when you have a heart like yours, love so big, and are so amazingly gorgeous.
Comment by bella — January 22, 2008 @ 10:11 pm
I cant believe your new baby is almost here! Its amazing and I am holding my breath to hear all about the new little one. Much love,
Heather
Comment by Heather O — January 23, 2008 @ 8:02 pm
My friend,
Your words touch me so deeply this morning.
In my soul, I see
a heart ready to give birth to love… yet again…
a cup already overflowing…that questions whether there is room for more of this delerious wine inside her quivering body..
And then an answer… clear as the virgn skies.. resounding from the chambers of a pregnant heart…
“There is always enough room in the ocean…For another drop of love.”
I feel the universe thrill with rapture as the long awaited day approaches…
Be blessed my friend,
Maithri.
Comment by Maithri — January 24, 2008 @ 1:15 am