misplaced mama

The earth has spun half way around the sun since the day your chubby, slithery self flew (literally) out of me.  Not just head, pause, then shoulders followed by spiraling body.  No, your entire body in one large force came through to earth.  This is how you entered, how you are, how you do things; fully your body experiences this life. without pause.  Nothing is in your way because you just move through it, effortlessly and physcially like it’s all yours, no time or reason to contemplate. I can see it now, I can see it for later.  It’s rather amazing, to be all here, all willing, all love, all kicks and swats and turns and wiggles.  The stillness happens though, when we catch a ray of light from the window, or we enter the berry patch and here the owl hoo.  When you lay in your hammock, just after your nap and before you yell for me to come get you;  you hear the girls running outside your open window.  You listen.  You know.  You think.

You are very much awake, child.  Engaging.  Present.  Alive.  Chubby knees and thighs.

You possess the movements of a three year old in a 6 month old vessel.  I try to remind you, stay a baby, girl, soon you’ll be running with them. And your rosie cherub face smiles and coos, drools.  Your hands reach up for my cheeks and you grab me hard and pull me to you and you to me.  You open your mouth and plaster my face with your kisses, on my lips, my nose my forehead,  Anywhere you can get some of my flesh.  You are a lover.  Oh, how you are a lover.  A lover that wants to love, but even more, wants to be loved.  The hell with being held.  You want to lay on your lambskin throw and have the whole family hover around you, cooing and laughing and tickling and speaking words about how brilliantly beautiful you are.  You love to be adored.  And you are.  Oh Lovey Dovey, you are adored.   You’ve brought our family full circle, a whole ring of love.  You’ve kept us together through this move, these transitions.  You are Peace.  Pure.  Wild. Peace.  You are the glue.

And most of all, to me, you are the final puzzle, the last pull, the dance of life, the perfect storm that has brought me back Home to Me; women, mother, creatrix.  I have never felt so full of ownership of this body and spirit and mind.  I still don’t know who I am or where I am going, but I find that a wonderful gift as well.  Thank you. 

your ma.

ps. this sister just wants to mother you and dress you and rock you and wear you.

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and this sister isn’t quite sure yet what to think of you totally yet, but her heart sparks and her eyes squint with smile whenever you are near her.

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