i know what i know.
and let me tell you that’s not a hell of a lot.
i sat down to write here tonight because i really wanted to, i wanted to connect with this space and my words and who ever you might be.
and nothing came out except a storm full of complaints and desperation to be put of of my misery. something along the lines of how being a mother of two still felt really sexy, new, exciting and how being a mother of three feels like the green slimy shit i squeezed out of the kids bath toys last night. you know, one of those kind of days where if you asked me if i was happy i would very simply tell you no.
and so i sat there with some words i wrote down and i looked them in their i’s and o’s and u’s and asked if they were my truth, where they the shape of myself, my life and my kids. was the sarcasm and witty delivery and the two paragraph description of my feet resembling an old homeless man’s who i am now or then or ever? i don’t know. i hope not. i hit delete. and instead this is what i know and what i like. it’s what they like and what they know.
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she likes to waddle outside and pee.
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she likes to eat clovers fresh from the land.
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she likes to hang out down by the water and write her name with her toes in the sand.
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she likes to daydream about a land far, far away where little children sleep in until 9.
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she likes to gather stones.
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and then eat them.
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she likes to hang out with horses, talk to them and whisper secrets in their ears.
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she likes to take photos of herself inside mirrors, checking to see if her baby belly has went down at all and to examine the color of her hair.
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she also likes to chomp on oatstraw. [he just loves them, loves them so much].
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she likes to make my heart skip a beat.
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she likes to climb apple trees [he like to help her]
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she’s learning to just be with what she sees.
oh, Marybeth. How I love this, you are simply awesome inspiring. Especially tonight. I so need to read something like this. You have no idea. This rocked my world.
xoxo
Comment by janis — May 13, 2009 @ 5:49 am
embrace your journey.
xoxox
Comment by erin — May 13, 2009 @ 10:37 am
You and your man and your babies. You are all so beautiful. So wholly, completely beautiful.
Comment by janehatesdick — May 13, 2009 @ 5:14 pm
You capture it. Somehow, you always do.
Magic and love,
xoxo
Comment by MereMortal — May 13, 2009 @ 9:45 pm
… i never thought i would bitch so much in the early mornings about kids’ socks which are being asked for but are not where they should be because i didn’t clean them in time or put them where they belong… not sure why this is connected to the
green slime, but it is. your honesty always touched me. thanks.
Comment by tekeal — May 13, 2009 @ 10:52 pm
I might have looked 45 when we met. I might have felt 90 when we met. I was only 29 when we met, but I was already a mother of 3. Okay, that’s a lie. I was about 36, but 29 sounded better. Geez, I’m such a liar. And that’s from way before I had 3 kids.
Comment by Karen — May 14, 2009 @ 6:21 am
:)
Comment by Ninotchka — May 14, 2009 @ 2:01 pm
rocks are pretty yummy and so is oatstraw. how i wish i could come by for lunch
love you
Comment by marinah — May 14, 2009 @ 6:56 pm
this is all just bursting out of my screen with so much potent beauty.
w.o.w.
Comment by jessamyn — May 17, 2009 @ 1:07 am
I miss you and your beautiful children so much.
We love you.
Comment by Heather — May 17, 2009 @ 11:05 pm
you are an artist in so many ways.
Comment by Keri — June 24, 2009 @ 5:09 am
I love you just trying to be with what you see. Amen sister.
Comment by Courtney alban — June 25, 2009 @ 2:36 am