Goodbye Dear Wound.
{In honor and in great thanks to my daughter Echo, who became a two year old today. My little love, it is all because of you. Happy Birthday.}
Goodbye Dear Wound,
I no longer need your blueprint.
I wore you with pride. You brought me attention and love. We bonded like passionate bedfellows. We danced to the music under the full moon. We walked quietly together along the low tides. Remember how many packs of cigarettes we smoked on rooftop after rooftop in the city? You pushed me, I pulled you. You fed me, I threw you up. You were my Drama teacher and debate coach. My excuse, my permission to act however I wanted. To say whatever I wanted. To be a leader in the Revolution of Pain and Entitlement. Because of you, I could escape accountability. You have been my security, my authority. Through you I formed community. Wounds attract wounds. You have allowed me to love you and in turn you nourished me and kept me alive. You were my connection to myself. It was powerful, really, to hold you so close, to become you and allow you to become me. You have festered and oozed and throbbed. I have picked your scab, allowed the blood to flow over and over again wanting you to stay longer. You were my safe bed to fall back into, to be reminded that I am indeed broken, split, sliced, cracked. God forbid if you left, then who would I be?
You have been a good lover, don’t get me wrong. But to be honest, this type of love doesn’t serve me anymore. You have been my portal, to healing. You have brought me here. To this. To me. But a portal is just a path, something I leave behind.
I now am my inner essence, my core light, the one I was before you. I am beginners mind and fresh newborn heartbeat. I am early morning mist and first star in the sky. I am the Earth, whole and healthy, spinning like a fertile egg around the fire of the sun. I am risen from the dead, ashes into the flying bird. I am breathing, walking, talking, singing alchemy.
And I am done. I am fully Love.
The Tao: When the wound heals, we forget about it forever.
(thank you to my sisters at The Matrona for this inspiration, and for dear Whapio, whose wisdom and energy makes me wants to run and giggle in a field of wild chamomile naked and walk straight ahead and look It All in the eye).
Wow. Amazing. You are simply amazing. I love you.
Comment by janehatesdick — January 31, 2010 @ 9:57 am
you were always fully love to me.
I’m still clinging to the wound, wondering desperately how to shed it.
I love you.
Comment by Jeanette — January 31, 2010 @ 4:26 pm
dear jeanette, it is so hard. i always thought this: time heals wounds. but i am not sure anymore. sometimes i think it’s just our ego, just making a choice. keep it or not. i dunno. but i am done. done. i realized My Wound was like a ton of them all made into one and fuck it. done.
love you, witnessing you while you let it go.
mb
Comment by misplacedmama — January 31, 2010 @ 4:40 pm
You are right, it is a choice. What courage there is in letting it go.. I need to find some too. How sweetly inspiring you are. X
Comment by hayley — January 31, 2010 @ 6:27 pm
Done, done. From rooftops to ready.
Love you so.
Comment by Jena — February 1, 2010 @ 1:42 am
what a timely post for me… after an exhausting weekend wrestling with wounds and love and wanting love to win, wanting to choose love but feeling so lost…to read this post. thank you for your words which speak for my soul’s longing. for the mirror and the hope that i too can shed the skin that keeps me bound in pain and familiar patterns that no longer serve.
Comment by musingmama — February 1, 2010 @ 2:39 am
Seems it is the wounds that bleed the most that heal the best - the ones that don’t release can fester and swell. Glad you remain pulsing and beating, my darling - I love you in red but you are so so good in all the other colors as well.
Comment by marinah — February 1, 2010 @ 3:44 am
marinah,
oh yes, i am a bleeder! i love to let it flow. but you know when it’s just time to say: enough? i mean, i don’t know if i really AM done bleeding, and certainly i am sure there will be more shit that hits the fan and i will bleed those out. maybe i am clearing now to prepare myself for the future. who knows. maybe i am all done until i die. who cares, really. the process is amazing, though, and very necessary. but for now, it feels so good to be FREE.
love you and miss you
Comment by misplacedmama — February 1, 2010 @ 3:53 am
MB,
Wisdom here, for each of us. Thank you.
I loved tending to my wound(s) while they were fresh and raw. They drew me in and gave to me exactly what I needed. But oh yes, what release in the healing and being DONE.
I await more of your words as the wounds close.
xoxo
Comment by MereMortal — February 1, 2010 @ 4:48 pm
Gorgeous. xo
Comment by Debbie — February 3, 2010 @ 12:19 am
mb, you feel like such a soul sister to me. I too have been doing huge work, healing and letting go. Finding and being LOVE. Just love and nothing else.
It is so hard while you’re trying to figure it out, and once you do it, it’s just so simple. It just IS.
The imagery you chose made my head spin. I go to a CST session and have visions of the Earth spinning in my womb. And do healing art and unknowingly draw myself as the Phoenix Rising.
We are at opposite ends of this country by land, but on our soul journey, perhaps we aren’t so far apart.
xoxo
Comment by gearhead mama — March 9, 2010 @ 7:43 pm
i sooo want to find this place
luv your words
there is something holding me back
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