give away all your secrets.
Sometimes I hate my husband. It’s a weird love hate thing. I hate him so much that I want to meet him outside and duke it out. But I love him so much that don’t. I often think that in another life we were Head Warriors from Opposing Tribes. This is our life to create connection and peace and harmony and transcend the past.
I wonder what my life would be like without my first daughter.
I wonder what my life would be like without my second daughter.
I wonder what my life would be like without my third daughter.
Sometimes I really, really want a fourth daughter. Partly because I want another love in my life, but partly because I want to be pregnant again and birth again and feel THAT.
I don’t think I could handle having a son.
One of the reasons I can’t fully commit to midwifery is because I don’t like being on call.
One of the reasons I can’t fully commit to midwifery is that I am a writer and there is no room for anything else.
I am a hopeless romantic who doesn’t know how to receive romance.
I know i can’t take compliment.
Sometimes my bizarre humor comes off as inappropriately aggressive.
I can really worry about what people think of me.
Sometimes I think Bad People are watching me.
Sometimes I think Bad People are stealing my creative thoughts.
I know I should not smoke pot because of the above secrets.
I don’t sleep well without my man in bed.
I bite my toenails.
I had an abortion.
I have never cheated on the man I am married to but sometimes in my dreams I have on-going wild affairs with people I know.
I have very strange visitors in my dreams that give me specific instructions about how to live my life.
I am petrified that I might have to watch my children die violent deaths.
I got arrested for shoplifting a very, very expensive piece of clothing once. A long time ago. I spent the night in a county jail.
I wish I didn’t hire a midwife for my last daughter’s birth.
Okay, fine. I’d have a boob lift.
I don’t drink often. But when I do I have a hard time finding that line between “woa, I feel a little tipsy” and “fucking A! I’m wasted” and once I bombard into the later I have been known to do things like handstands on crowded dancefloors, swat strangers butts, puke in my own front yard.
I get really jealous of successful people.
I’ve told my daughter a monster was coming to get her to buckle into her carseat on numerous occasions.
Waldorf schools really, really annoy me.
Mostly because they cost so much money and I can’t afford them.
And people sing-talk.
And everyone is wearing a skirt.
I am nervous for my parents to see my dreads. I’m 36 years old and I am scared of what they think of me.
Sometimes I wish I had ferberized.
Mostly I wished I never used a diaper on the babies.
I spent our grocery money last week on coloring my hair.
If I could I would dress like a dancehall queen and totally enter dance contest. IF. I. COULD.
I hate people thinking I am a hippie because of how I parent or how I smell. I don’t like the idea of “hippie”. It’s only another label.
Jam bands give me a headache.
I often feel like I give a lot and I don’t know how to receive.
It’s easier for me to be angry then to love.
I like ignoring the crisis’s of the world and find the next bliss fest, dance party, babymoon.
I skipped out on doing yoga today and drank loads of coffee and ate a bowl of vegan chocolate frosting.
I often doubt that anybody will ever read anything I wrote and hold with any reverence.
I like the smell of my kids farts.
Sometimes I throw tin cans in the garbage because I am too lazy to walk 5 feet to the recycling.
Sometimes I sweep up change and throw it away with the dirt.
Sometimes I get scared when my friends are about to give birth.
I wonder if I am going to be able to grow old gracefully because right now I feel like I am fighting every step of it.
I don’t like my wrinkles.
I like my wounds.
It’s taken me three years to begin to open up and trust the people in my community.
I think southern california is both so incredibly exciting and the most disgusting place on earth.
Maybe I should have waited to have kids.
Maybe I should have had them younger.
I’m scared I saying too much.
I’m scared I’m only revealing the tip of the iceberg.
I’m scared I’ll always be 2 months behind on every.single.bill.
I don’t really have a relationship with my father. There’s energy, karma, love, but not a connection that makes me feel like I have been parented by a father ever.
I have 3 unpaid parking tickets rotting in the bottom of my purse.
There’s a bench warrant out for my arrest in Scottsdale, AZ for not showing up for court when I got a ticket for having my dog off leash (dog at large). In my defense, my court date was the due date of my third daughter and I was living in an other state.
I owe Scottsdale $1000 for that little incident.
I really love high heels.
I really, really love extremely expensive jeans.
I’m sorry, but I like to shave my legs.
My armpits…I like them hairy.
I eat a lot, I mean A LOT, of veganaisse and I LOVE IT!
I am truly at a loss without Lost.
I really miss living somewhere that has more sun.
I absolutely think that my whole life has been leading me to living here.
I have forgotten how to flirt.
I practice serious anger management.
I gave someone a black eye once.
I think blogging is some of the corniest, vainest shit out there.
I think blogging has created a new genre of writing.
I will never think of myself as a blogger. Just a writer too lazy too do something else.
I love talking about taking shits.
Sometimes I keep information from people so I know more than them.
I pull rank on my kids daily.
The power that is born when we give away our secrets. This list is a quick stream of consciousness. It by no means it is my Complete List of Secrets. But there is a lot here I am sharing. When in conflict with someone, or even when we just need to truly connect, if we can open up and tell it all, like it is, not being scared to truly reveal who we are…then what can we ever loose? What if we all walked around opening up, sharing our skeletons, expressing our desires and regrets? How much more light would our step be on earth? If we were speaking all of our truths, our joys and our fears, what right then would we have to judge another person for theirs?
Dude. You got dreads? You need to share. My mom commented at the airport last year when I picked her up and it was out of her system. I caught her staring at them during her visit but never said another thing.
Strange how many of those I was nodding my head at…
Take care MB.
Comment by Michelle — June 11, 2010 @ 7:37 am
Adore this post. Adore!
Comment by Ninotchka — June 11, 2010 @ 9:10 am
We are so much alike! That is the best thing about sharing secrets, I think. One difference - I’m not as brave as you. Two months late on every bill! I have found out this year, that the bottom is much further down than I thought. You can even go past shut off dates sometimes - did you know that? And how many times have I spent grocery money on myself…smooth legs, hairy pits, not recycling (god you are brave!)
i wish you lived next door.
Comment by sparker (sara) — June 11, 2010 @ 2:21 pm
i love your honesty! & i can relate to many of those secrets too…
Comment by ella — June 11, 2010 @ 2:23 pm
ok i just counted. 40. 40 of your secrets are mine too.
xo
Comment by sparker (sara) — June 11, 2010 @ 2:37 pm
MB - I miss you and wish I had known you better when you were close. You writting resonates with me.
Comment by Heather — June 11, 2010 @ 2:45 pm
your secrets make me feel good. i have many secrets and someday i feel i will shout them out. bravo!
Comment by Jill — June 11, 2010 @ 5:08 pm
wow. i love this list, its so raw and so easy to connect to. these are my favorite (and most relate-able) three:
“I know I should not smoke pot because of the above secrets.”
“Waldorf schools really, really annoy me.”
“I am a hopeless romantic who doesn’t know how to receive romance.”
thank you for your honest words, so refreshing!
Comment by amelia — June 12, 2010 @ 3:39 am
I like talking about pooping, too. favorite subject ever.
Comment by Amanda — June 12, 2010 @ 7:35 pm
i sat down to do this same thing today on my break at work. it must be something, the moon, the sun, the energy in the universe…something is pulling me here, too. sometimes we ourselves need to be reminded of our secrets, our statements, too. it is a reminder of our existence and our wholeness; it is soothing, like an old friend.
Comment by chelsea — June 13, 2010 @ 5:43 am
How is it that I love you more after reading this? I LOVE that last paragraph. So true and empowering. I want to spill it all right now. Sigh. I will be thinking on this for a long time. Thank you.
Comment by Moni — June 13, 2010 @ 9:00 pm
Love it! I just smiled through the whole list. In one of my blogs (and I agree, it is a whole new genre of writing) on fear I said I was afraid that I wasn’t living my life’s purpose. And that meant my husband had to have a “talk” with me. Because you see, he is happy and if I don’t feel the same, then I need to do something about it. I was so offended. Does anyone ever really get us?!!!!!!
Keep writing — you are awesome.
Comment by Lisa — June 14, 2010 @ 2:57 am
i rarely read blogs anymore, but i find myself drawn here…
your honesty resonates so deeply.
thank you for posting and keeping it real.
love and blessings,
kirsten michelle.xo
Comment by Kirsten Michelle — June 14, 2010 @ 7:12 pm
you inspire me
Comment by Micaela — June 15, 2010 @ 2:46 pm
You are so brave and I really think you are neato. I am glad I read your blog tonight it has been awhile but I am missing myself some marybeth. You are so damn funny, I am crying and laughing at the same time. I love you.
And I like the smell of Stella’s farts too.
Comment by keri — June 18, 2010 @ 4:28 am
Thanks for this. Really open and real and makes me think I know you. Wish I did. Your line a while back - now I am just led - has really stuck with me and carried me since you wrote it. That is where I am at. Thanks for the guidance.
Comment by Anna Katherine — June 19, 2010 @ 3:45 am
You’re so brave. So inspiring. I’ve had your blog in Google Reader for a month or so, for some silly reason I’ve waited until now to read your words. Silly me. You words are wise, free and exciting. I feel inspired. Thank you.
Comment by Kelsie — June 21, 2010 @ 8:30 pm
fuck yes! i love your bluntness and courageousness here……I can relate to a lot of what you posted. I find myself speaking my truth much more bluntly these days, it seems fitting I read this post just now. peace mama…..
p.s………i love to smell my daughters stinky toes.
Comment by sarah — June 25, 2010 @ 4:34 am
Oh, dear. This really just made my day! I love that you’re just so open and don’t censor anything. The one about the babes’ farts made me giggle.Thank you so for sharing that.
Comment by Bethany — July 7, 2010 @ 5:45 am
MaryBeth — really dug this list. currently live in SoCal and was just in Bellingham checking out housing last week. guess i should have written sooner - it might have been cool to grab a cup of joe since my 3 year old daughter was driving me up the wall in our hotel room. i enjoy reading your stuff, girl. keep it comin’…
Comment by Ana — November 18, 2010 @ 10:52 pm
Thanks a lot for the information which was very helpful for me. I had uploaded all images and saved the information.
Comment by hollister uk — August 2, 2011 @ 4:23 am
All that we are is the conclusion of what we have thought. Wait… Has anyone suggested thesis writing service to you. Keep the articles progressing !
Comment by abercrombie uk — August 2, 2011 @ 4:25 am
Marvellous Blog!
Good writing skill and absolutely intriguing content, I can learn much from you
Comment by moving services — August 7, 2011 @ 7:57 pm
At least six people were shot north face store night in the District, including one in Georgetown near the scene of the traditional Halloween revelry, according to accounts from police and witnesses.
Comment by north face store — November 3, 2011 @ 7:37 am
As the fans if you have no chance to see their home match in stadium, it could be the good idea that wearing their team jerseys to cheer for them in front of the TV when you see the live.
Comment by cheap jerseys — November 4, 2011 @ 6:36 am
I have been searching for car loans and your post made me rethink of no car life. I’d like to be part of this discussion.Thanks!
Comment by cheap jerseys — November 18, 2011 @ 5:21 am
“Of course, this time led coalition which can master a total of a few, their locations to hold the people who have left the main, to leave only north face jackets on sale the north face were only five people. Store, the north Cook is a golden triangle and face, everyone knows the north face are definitely a team, Natasha did not think as a coach, Joseph knew by the locations he did fight, but the north face are three, to mix the team leader locations must be allowed to become a team from a two, or even locations do not touch the edges. “
Comment by north face sale — January 9, 2012 @ 2:39 am
Acquista rapidamente Hogan donna on the web.Le donne sono Hogan fondata every servire every quasi ogni periodo di pace prolungato di scarpe normali così appear può sopravvivere any qualsiasi tipo di problem. In the mean time Hogan fu tra le primissime aziende del dovere le scarpe everyday che low sarà presto rotto anche by yourself nel periodo di pioggia.
Comment by Hogan — January 18, 2012 @ 7:25 am
Superiorità di abbigliamento Woolrich.Woolrich Uk giù superiorità abbigliamento, non solo si manifesta nella moda, anche manifesta è finalizzata alla autunno specialmente l’innovazione: Il piumino serie dell’abbigliamento ha usato “la piuma ad alta purezza”, più elegante, frivolo, è più leggero l’abbigliamento invernale ordinaria è elastica, ma non perde la funzione di base che mantiene il calore. Il piumino è caratteristico abbigliamento, lascia la moda lo spazio espositivo sarà più piena, ha i requisiti per essere presa a terra trebbiatura prima del tempo completamente “, è il responsabile” in inverno.
Comment by Woolrich — January 19, 2012 @ 7:10 am
louis vuitton uk
are diversified in various kinds, handbags, backpacks, portable bags, purses, wallets and pouches. All kinds are popular among the whole word people.
louis vuitton
Store Online Handbags can also bring great accuracy as well as practical applicability and fashionable.Have you ever dreamed of being as charming as Madonna? Have you ever thought of becoming an envy of all your friends? If so, come to
louis vuitton outlet
.
Comment by louis vuitton outlet — February 18, 2012 @ 1:47 am
Come to
coach factory outlet
and find brand new Coach Factory Shoes Ivory Gray here, which are one of the casual, leisure yet uncommon Coach Factory shoes for women on sale.Over the years,
coach factory online
has added a multitude of new handbag shapes, styles and materials to their collection. However, the highest care is taken that every Coach handbags is both aesthetically beautiful and functional.There are some practical and beautiful items for sale at?
coach factory outlet online
for your selection. Do not miss it and have one for a try.
http://www.coachfactoryoutletonlineco.com
Comment by coach factory outlet online — February 18, 2012 @ 6:15 am
If you do not know design can be the most fashionable this fall, consider a glance on
coach factory outlet
! This summer, you have a wide range of options, because there are numerous designs, you can find from.
coach factory online
provides people many coach goods. If you wish to snatch the coach handbag, then this best method is made for that you like for coach discount.Coach bags enjoy high popularity throughout the world. I would like to share the
coach factory outlet online
with you. What are you waiting for? Just come to visit.
http://www.coachfactoryoutletgod.com
Comment by coach factory outlet online — February 18, 2012 @ 6:25 am
handbags and purses of
coach outlet online
are beautiful, classic designs made for sophisticated customers to make an emphatic style statement.No one can deny the shopping at the
coach factory outlet
is satisfactory. For the low prices and good quality.On establishing contact with a
coach outlet
hire agency, a few clarifications would need to be put to rest prior to working out a deal.
http://www.coachoutletonlinecoachcell.com
Comment by coach outlet — February 18, 2012 @ 6:45 am
Have by no means observed what form of soluble fiber or material permits individuals as obsessed and fanatical since it is today, struggled to produce this sparkling miracle tale arrive real with
Comment by Coach handbags outlet — February 22, 2012 @ 1:10 am
If you have been to the mall lately and browsed coach outlet you may find that a high price tag goes along with just about everything in the mall.coach outlet store online has been voted by Hour Detroit magazine readers as the Best of Detroit in their 12th annual readers’poll.The coach outlet online sales all kinds of Coach bags, purses, sunglasses, etc. Whatever you choose, this Coach store will not let you down.
Comment by [coach outlet] — March 6, 2012 @ 5:10 am
Everyone believes the fact that coach bags can be well-known simply because of its high quality and the lovely pattern.Where there are women, there are bags. Where there are bags, there are coach outlet store online. Coach products are the direction indicator of the latest fashion and trend.amazing coach outlet store for those busy days or nights of perfect. coach handbags outlet fashion handbags and signature characteristics and use of quality fabrics materials.
Comment by [coach bags] — March 6, 2012 @ 5:15 am
armani watches, as a French fashion house founded in 1854, has greatly improved and acquired countless lovers across the world.The emporio armani watches reflect the class of the person holding them, as people are extremely conscious of their personality portrayed.
http://www.armaniwatches-uk.org.uk
Comment by armani watches — April 5, 2012 @ 8:08 am
The special design and unique armani watches logo at first glance of armani wallets allow it to be so popular. Do you want to own bags or Wallets now? Recently, more and more people would like to choose shopping online instead of shopping in stores.In the end, the following bag happens to be an vital new member on your set of clothes last year warmer summer months. emporio armani watches is a straightforward style and design with the help of not one but two reduce storage compartments which will open to facility drawer.
http://www.armani-watchesi.org.uk
Comment by armani watches — April 5, 2012 @ 8:09 am
We offer a variety of handmade beautiful, gucci uk beaded necklaces, crystal bracelets, birthstone ormother’s bracelets and earrings.These delicate gucci uk sale are a perfect accompaniment to the Swarovski necklaces and bracelets. The cool hues of the crystals perfectly complement each other, causing beautiful reflection and sparkle.
http://www.gucci-uks.org.uk
Comment by gucci uk — April 5, 2012 @ 8:09 am