om is my home. or. roots
i have always been a self proclaimed gypsy. it’s my eastern european roots. my mediterean musical travelin’ blood. I am 2nd generation American and I have always felt the urge to migrate somewhere my whole life.
It’s a self fulfilling prophecy of sorts. I got ants in my pants. my feet burn. my legs jiggle and my heels rise up and down. i began to collect to much junk in my drawers. the view out my window begins to look not so interesting. i can memorize the marks on the walls. i can hum along to the drip of my faucet.
the season roll around and boxes are in my living room and the girls can’t help but to open them up and dig through the contents when I’m not looking. I have snuck out so many bags of their time-to-pass-on stuff to goodwill and i alone have purged 80% of my wardrobe. It feels good to be lighter. But it feels hard to wander again. it’s only 4 minutes away from where we are now, but still. as mia says, “i’ll miss this old house. i’ll sure miss this old house”.
it’s not really our doing. our landlady went a bit batty right about the time we were contemplating the high price of our rent. we felt it all was a sign to uplift and re-root. we found a place on 3 acres. a salmon stream running through it. a fairy forest behind it. a waterfall. abundance of all things medicine right out the back door. we found it, it needs a good remodel and when it’s all done and beautiful it will be passed on to my in-laws; the gift of space from my husband to his parents. so once again, not a permanent place for us. this is bittersweet. completely bittersweet.
i am beginning to wonder what the universe means. are we meant to fully come to understand that the only home there is is nowhere but where you are? i hear the buzzing of my own mother in my ears that lectures me about kids needing to settle down and stay in one place. and i honor that. when i try and reason with myself i keep making the excuse that it’s been circumstance that has kept us flowing like a river and not settled like a rock in the mud. but that is a crock of bullshit. not circumstance. choice. my choice. our choice.
and i am now digging deep for roots. i’ve taken on badger medicine, they dig down so deep and know what grows underground. there home is nestled agains the roots of the earth. my medicine is the roots of living things, taking it back to the beginning, the simplest form of uprising and down-moving. being roots doesn’t mean staying still, it means finding comfort in the earth while we get Deeper and we Elevate. Growth is the goal.
this month i have honored this by creating many root tonics. ginger root, burdock root, licorice root, licorice fern root, astragalus root. i have cleaned off earth, held the knotty, gnarly, twisted and turny vessels of life in my hands, the portals of nutrients and minerals that bring laughter and life up through the earth. i have watched them, talked to them and tried to bring myself inside them, remember who i am and where i came from, where i will be and how i can pull up prana in every moment so we all grow. I am mama roots, and i bring comfort and heath to them all.
this is one of the harder things i have had to do. make the decision that home is a place that i must find….regardless if the hop skipping around is the movement in my life. to walk the fine line of knowing my roots and also deeply feeling that my roots don’t mean that i might have to commit to work on finding a place and staying in it forever. it just means that it’s time to fully commit to this life. there is nothing left to walk away from. there is only this breath to stay in, these toes to press into earth, these legs to feel sturdy like the cedar trunk, these branches to flex and dance with the direction of the wind.
[until our next home is ready, i.e. legally and officially closed with the bank, we will be on the road spreading some love straight down the coast and then over to the vast desert space. i am excited to write as i travel, my big camera will be repaired and long stretches in the car always inspire the words to jump forwards. i felt alive storytelling this journey…….so excited to share the experiences of travel again.}
licorice root fern finds home in the side of trees. it’s roots are amazing for respiratory health. the tea tastes a tad bit like licorice.
you are meant to travel….to teach us. to meet us. to touch palm to palm, all things holy.
loving you. thanking you.
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Comment by Kara — April 18, 2011 @ 5:04 pm
hello. i just discovered your blog and have very much enjoyed reading it. i felt compelled to comment on this post because it resonates so deeply with me. i am always looking for new adventures and opportunities to stretch and grow. always seeking change, both internal and external. i have daughters now and a husband and there are those voices that ring in my ears about stability, structure, a permanent home. but just this morning i said to my husband, isn’t home where we are, wherever we are? and i count myself lucky because he agreed. so the next adventure is in the making and, actually, interestingly, we are visiting bellingham soon to see how we feel about making it our next home. i am open to getting to a place in my life of wanting to stay somewhere forever, but i have let go of feeling like i need to, or should. it is so lovely to read words that echo my own thoughts. so thank you for taking the time to write it down and put it out there.
i also want to share that on a quick trip through your archives i discovered that your second and my first daughter were born on the exact same day. both born at home, in water. while doing the hard work of labor on that day i remember feeling strengthened by the thought of all the women who were doing the same work at the same time. and now it makes me smile to have, sort of, met one of them.
blessings to you on your travels. may the road treat you well!
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Haven’t you seen how far and wide spread the big trees’ roots? You have spindly roots strong as spines tunneling through the lands, lady. I cannot wait to see you and your family. Love you.
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I am 1st generation American, my dad was born in Hungary. I have moved my 3 kiddos quite a bit and still feel the need to move again as California seems to be calling me. My mom as well feels the kids need stability. Home is wherever we are together. I am hoping though that someday I feel MY place…
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Very cool. Can’t wait to read your memoirs from the road and beyond. Happy travels.
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Safe travels! I look forward to reading your tales and reflections shared in this space.
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mmmmm. i love your roots work. it teaches me so much…
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