I didn’t mean to call in Kali for her birth. But it happened. Four years ago she came through and it was atomic, Earth folding inside out, it was oceans turning to flame. Everything I thought I was or had or knew was gone, alchemized into rising smoke from a pile of skeletal remains and a heap of clothes that no longer fit.
As she enter she cleared me, or at least began the cleansing process. It’s not a fast or easy task or one I was even aware of in the moments but knew that with every breath and every cycle something was very different. She would be the one that would shift my opinions and beliefs. She’s the one who would force me to reveal my secrets and my vulnerability. She’s the one who made me change my story. It was her windy passion offered the gust to such wild places full of jungle animals and electric freedom and over-grown and untold stories that I never knew I had the ability to share.
She is the one who screamed in my face that I can do whatever the fuck I wanted. That we all can.
We carry ancestral programming in our limbic brain; we hold the memory of colonial wrongdoing. We hold the shame or the guilt, the walls and the rage. We are our ancestors. We are the only ones who can heal the lines that go backwards. Sometimes we just don’t know how to move on. This child quickly pressed fast forward after a hard-core rewind. This is the one who looked me in my eyes and said: LET GO.
Birth is always a good purifier, reminding us that not much of anything but love means anything. Her birth took me to the edge of life. The edge is where she walks daily. When her head pressed against my cervix and from inside I could hear her Echo from places of shadows and gates of mystery. She was coming through, reborn with a voice. And so was I. She came to claim change. When I held her in my arms after catching her from between my legs and she was against my skin looking up at me and we had eye contact, we both said to each other at the exact same time: That was big. That was BIG.
Her birth was my start line in a marathon in untraining and unschooling, gathering myself back the mother and creator, the person that I was when I stood in partnership with the divine and signed the contract for my Earth life to BE who I came here to BE.
Thank you, Echo. Thank you for giving me the gift of re-birth. But the gift of your every day beauty and raw power is bigger and better than anything imaginable. Loud. Bold. Singing in the rain. Screaming on the floor. Snoring in the bed. Laughing in my arms. Kisses on my nose and eyes and ears and forehead and lips every time I leave your presence. Your passion is sometimes more than I can handle, the love so strong and so present I am overwhelmed and often I fall to my knees and fail to receive it all because I’m only learning to be as Big as you. I am brought to tears knowing you and your wild bird nature, your profound love for magic and earth; you carry close your animals and plants; you use them and pass them on. You hold such a golden light for me to see at night and i the early morning before the darkness has passed. You walk far too close to the edge for me, my daughter, and sometimes it scares me but it never scares you and for that I am so full of pride. You are brave. You have wandered dark places solo and held high reign in the forces of light. You have shown our whole family not to have fear. You are fearless. You are Fearless One Singing Bird. Your name is spoken. May it vibrate through the heavens and deep in your soul.
Happy Earth Day my dear, dear daughter.